07.22.04
1:10 a.m.
Deflate my ego
My feelings about work have been changing for the past few months. Maybe it’s because of the tension caused by three people giving their notice for the same week in August. Maybe, it’s the quick turnover of new employees. Maybe, and most likely, I just have a bad case of “senioritis” and realize I’m almost free from this ubiquitous routine – at least for a few years.It seems that I’ve come home from work more angry, bitter, exhausted and irritable. Minor criticisms, smart remarks, and the overall attitude of “Fuck You” have taken their toll. I feel undervalued, overworked and underpaid. But, I’ve been all of these things my entire life. Why is it such an inconvenience now? I’ve seen the promise land, a taste of freedom from these shackles of minimum wage and mindless complacency, and I want out. I want out of this job, I want out of this tax bracket, I want out of this social status. I want out, period.
I get angry that my employers don’t recognize that I’m not a moron. They rarely acknowledge the fact that I can complete a sentence (which, trust me, is a feat for most of my co-workers), let alone make decisions independently. Don’t you see I actually am worth something, and I have a brain that can function beyond repetitive tasks? The University of Colorado apparently believed in my ability enough to accept me. I have proof now; and it’s destroying me.
Then, I realize that I haven’t proved anything yet. I’m just like the next new hire – replaceable. The only thing I’ve accomplished is passing an asinine aptitude test. I haven’t cured cancer. Hell, I haven’t even gone to a class, and I’m demanding praise and adoration?
Someone should smack the shit out of me, because I need it.
