07.22.04

1:10 a.m.

Deflate my ego

My feelings about work have been changing for the past few months. Maybe it�s because of the tension caused by three people giving their notice for the same week in August. Maybe, it�s the quick turnover of new employees. Maybe, and most likely, I just have a bad case of �senioritis� and realize I�m almost free from this ubiquitous routine � at least for a few years.

It seems that I�ve come home from work more angry, bitter, exhausted and irritable. Minor criticisms, smart remarks, and the overall attitude of �Fuck You� have taken their toll. I feel undervalued, overworked and underpaid. But, I�ve been all of these things my entire life. Why is it such an inconvenience now? I�ve seen the promise land, a taste of freedom from these shackles of minimum wage and mindless complacency, and I want out. I want out of this job, I want out of this tax bracket, I want out of this social status. I want out, period.

I get angry that my employers don�t recognize that I�m not a moron. They rarely acknowledge the fact that I can complete a sentence (which, trust me, is a feat for most of my co-workers), let alone make decisions independently. Don�t you see I actually am worth something, and I have a brain that can function beyond repetitive tasks? The University of Colorado apparently believed in my ability enough to accept me. I have proof now; and it�s destroying me.

Then, I realize that I haven�t proved anything yet. I�m just like the next new hire � replaceable. The only thing I�ve accomplished is passing an asinine aptitude test. I haven�t cured cancer. Hell, I haven�t even gone to a class, and I�m demanding praise and adoration?

Someone should smack the shit out of me, because I need it.

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