07.22.04

1:10 a.m.

Deflate my ego

My feelings about work have been changing for the past few months. Maybe itís because of the tension caused by three people giving their notice for the same week in August. Maybe, itís the quick turnover of new employees. Maybe, and most likely, I just have a bad case of ďsenioritisĒ and realize Iím almost free from this ubiquitous routine Ė at least for a few years.

It seems that Iíve come home from work more angry, bitter, exhausted and irritable. Minor criticisms, smart remarks, and the overall attitude of ďFuck YouĒ have taken their toll. I feel undervalued, overworked and underpaid. But, Iíve been all of these things my entire life. Why is it such an inconvenience now? Iíve seen the promise land, a taste of freedom from these shackles of minimum wage and mindless complacency, and I want out. I want out of this job, I want out of this tax bracket, I want out of this social status. I want out, period.

I get angry that my employers donít recognize that Iím not a moron. They rarely acknowledge the fact that I can complete a sentence (which, trust me, is a feat for most of my co-workers), let alone make decisions independently. Donít you see I actually am worth something, and I have a brain that can function beyond repetitive tasks? The University of Colorado apparently believed in my ability enough to accept me. I have proof now; and itís destroying me.

Then, I realize that I havenít proved anything yet. Iím just like the next new hire Ė replaceable. The only thing Iíve accomplished is passing an asinine aptitude test. I havenít cured cancer. Hell, I havenít even gone to a class, and Iím demanding praise and adoration?

Someone should smack the shit out of me, because I need it.

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