07.18.04

10:56 p.m.

Pheromones

I was standing in line at the King Soopers pharmacy today, waiting to pick up my allergy medications. This older man gets in line behind me and strikes up a conversation. Now, being completely inept at any social contact with others, I kindly nod and try to ignore him. He relents in telling me I have a “very pretty blouse” on - I’m wearing a T-shirt. He told me my hair smelled nice – eww. I distinctly got the child molester/serial killer vibe from him, and was contemplating forfeiting my place in line and running down the personal hygiene aisle. I thought that would cause a scene, and I didn’t feel like being featured on the 5 o’clock news.

He continued to complement every single thing he could find to complement me on; my eyes, my pheromones (isn’t that just disturbing?), the color of my toenail polish – everything. I just said, “Thanks” and tried to ignore him. After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally the next person in line. I suddenly felt something in my hair – it was his creepy old man hands. This psycho actually picked up my hair and tried smelling it.

Well, so much for not causing a scene. I immediately yelled at him to quit touching me, and back away. Just as I was in the midst of screaming an obscenity, the store security officer walks up with another woman. She started pointing and said, “That’s him. That’s the guy that grabbed my ass.”

I was asked to accompany the officer to their “headquarters”, which just happened to be behind the produce section. He asked me a few questions, one of which was: Do you want to press charges? Considering all the guy did was smell my hair, I said no. He had me fill out some asinine form, and sent me on my way.

I swear - I attract the oddest people. I must give off some freak attracting “pheromone”.

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