07.02.04
11:12 p.m.
Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow...
New research shows people who smoke are less likely to have Alzheimer’s. Want to take a wild guess as to why that is? The cancer and emphysema will kill us off long before Alzheimer’s has a chance to get us.Smoking is a disgusting habit. Example: I cleaned the inside of my windshield today, the thick yellow nicotine stains were starting to impair my ability to drive. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t to that point, but it was filthy. I can only imagine what my lungs must look like. They’re probably filled to the brim with a black tar-like substance; not a single healthy cell in sight.
I’ve been coughing a lot in the past week...well, more like hacking up a lung. I’m not sure whether it’s a cold, or the start of my rapid health decline. I don’t suppose my asthma helps the situation. I should quit. I need to quit. I want to quit – sort of.
I’ve become accustom to a smoking schedule...every 2 hours. My body knows exactly when 10:00am is better than any clock does. If nicotine doesn’t enter my bloodstream within 15 minutes of any given “smoke” time, I start to feel anxious and irritable. If I’m in a situation where I usually would light up (a bar, the car, at home) it’s all I can think about. I feel like Pavlov’s dogs...behaviorally conditioned.
The addiction is far more than just the physical need for nicotine; it’s psychological. I need the security of a cigarette in my hand. It’s never let me down - it’s there when I’m stressed, when I’m happy, when I’m sad, on the long car ride to work, when I’m relaxing after sex, and when I wake up in the morning. It’s been there every time I’ve ever needed it. I can depend on a cigarette to calm and soothe me, or energize and excite me. How can I give such a wonderful relationship up?
I did quit once; I made it an entire week without one drag from a cigarette. It was the most excruciatingly difficult thing I’ve ever done. I hope I have the strength to try it again some day. For now, I’m off to 7-eleven...I’m out of cigarettes.
Useless observation for the day: My mother brought home a lighter from Cancun. On the side it says - Hecho en Estados Unidos.
