06.30.04
11:59 p.m.
Happy Birthday to you
I�m having a quarter life crisis. I think it�s finally dawned on me that what I do now will directly affect the rest of my life. Either I succeed in life or I fail; but I�ve got to choose which one � and I have to do it now.Today Jake, my co-worker�s son, said he was �nearly six�. He�s got five months to go until he�s six. I�ll be 24 until 11:59:59 pm on September 3rd. Soon, I�ll be telling people I�m 29 and 32 months. Kids are too eager to grow up; I�m wishing time would just slow down.
Exhibit A: I got carded while I was buying a pack of cigarettes the other day. The clerk must�ve just turned 18. I showed her my ID, and her response - �Wowwww ... (long pause) ... you don�t look that old.� Ok, maybe this would�ve made me feel better if I was 53. Probably not. Who likes to be told they�re old - regardless of whether or not they look young?
Exhibit B: I can remember being 15 (yes, my memory still works a little). I had so many milestones ahead of me: at 16 I got my license; at 18 I could legally buy tobacco; at 21 I could drink. Each birthday held some new and exciting promise of maturity. The only thing I have to look forward to now...my insurance rates will go down at 25 and I�ll be able to rent a car. When I was fifteen, twenty-five seemed so old. I couldn�t fathom being that old and decrepit. I have 42 years until the next milestone � social security at age 67. How depressing.
Exhibit C: I�ve found myself acting like my grandmother; �Huh?�, �What?�, �Who?� I swear I�ve lost my hearing in the past month. I thought I saw a gray hair last week. I misplace everything. Including but not limited to: my keys, my purse, lighters, money, my dog, my sanity...et cetera.
Luckily, my biological clock lacks batteries, or I�d really be having a mental breakdown. I�ve yet to feel the urge to reproduce. Maybe that�ll wait until I�m thirty.
Anywho, do you see what you have to look forward to? Enjoy 23 while you have it...time flies and soon you�ll be walking with a cane, fixing your comb-over and wishing your Depends were a little more absorbent. Happy Birthday Sweetcheeks � only 2 more years until your last decent milestone.
