06.08.04

11:56 p.m.

Cake mix & nail files

So a girl walks into a Wal-Mart and asks a nice sales associate to help her....oh, wait...there arenít any nice sales associates in Wal-Mart.

Iíve noticed that the store who shoves the advertising phrase ďfriendly serviceĒ down our throats, is the only place Iíve ever been where the sales people actually roll their eyes at me. I recognize that Iím being a demanding consumer...why should they stop in the middle of their gossiping and ass picking to help me find something?

Itís obvious that Wal-Mart is laid out so any normal person could find everything they need easily. Unfortunately Iím a moron, and I look in irrational places for things. I suppose any reasonable procreator would look for baby food in the infant clothing section (Newborns donít eat real food Ė why would it be in the grocery part?), who wouldnít put the Raid next to the flour, and...yes, I know it makes complete sense to place the bleach on the entirely opposite side of the store from the laundry soap. I guess I just donít follow the logical way of thinking. I mean, itís perfectly clear that any sane person would assume, ďThose damn ants keep getting into the bathroom. The Raid must be in aisle two with the sugar.Ē

Fortunately for idiots like me, they sell an aisle by aisle map of your local Wal-Mart store Ė conveniently packaged with software to help plan your shopping excursions. Iím thinking of investing in their stock. Itís bound to be a big seller.

If you havenít already concluded that I went to Wal-Mart today...can I ask you where they keep the nail files? Iím thinking maybe next to the locks? Possibly by the cake mix in case you need to bake one in a cake for your babyís daddy?

Iím trying people...I really am.

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