10:08 p.m.

So, is this it?

Well, Wednesday is my birthday. I'm not expecting anything. I have a history of horrible birthdays.

Last year I went to a bar with J, and my wallet was stolen with $80 in it.

The year before we went camping. It rained all night, and when we woke in the morning my car wouldn't start.

Two years ago we went to Cripple Creek (a little gambling town), had no luck in winning, but worse, I was on the rag and no sex for me.

This year isn't looking any better. It's as if the stars have aligned against me. J and I got into a huge fight last Wednesday. The biggest fight we've ever been in, and it was over the stupidest shit. It started with me calling his music crap. Which in all reality, it is. It's techno and I can't stand it. It's like beating my head against a wall over and over. Anyway, it escalated, and we ended up telling each other we hated one another. I told him he was a loser who still lived with his mother, he called me a stupid fucking bitch....blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, he walked home and I haven't talked to him since. Probably because we both said we never wanted to see each other again. Now, keep in mind we were both drunk off our asses. Nothing different, but somehow I can't keep but thinking this is the end. I can't stop thinking, "So, this is it?". Is this how our relationship is going to end? I don't want to think about it. It's hard to think that I'll never see him again. It's hard imagining losing your best friend. I'm sorry, I just can't write anymore right now. I'm sorry.

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